Someone you care about is struggling. You can't fix it. You can't make it better. But you want to do something - anything - to show you're there.
This guide is about that something.
What they actually need
People going through hard times usually need:
- To feel seen - acknowledgment that their pain is real
- Practical help - things they don't have energy for
- Comfort - soft, warm, gentle things
- Space - but with the door open
- Not to be fixed - just to be accompanied
What to do
- Show up (check they want company first)
- Bring food they don't have to cook
- Offer specific help ("I'm picking up your laundry Tuesday")
- Send a note saying you're thinking of them
- Sit with them in silence if that's what they need
What not to do
- Say "everything happens for a reason"
- Offer unsolicited advice
- Make them comfort you about their situation
- Disappear because it's awkward
- Give gifts that require effort from them
Gifts that help
Certificate of Existence
Sometimes when everything is falling apart, people need confirmation that they still exist, that they're still here. The Existence Registry's Certificate of Existence acknowledges exactly that - beautifully, gently, with a touch of dark humour that can help.
Registry note: Certificate of Existence says "I see you. You're still here." Sometimes that's exactly what someone needs to hear.
Practical comfort
- Food delivery vouchers - decisions are hard; food delivery removes one
- Soft blankets - comfort doesn't solve problems, but it helps
- Nice tea or comfort drinks - small rituals matter
Practical help
- Offer to do specific tasks - not "let me know if you need anything"
- Cleaning service - one thing off their list
- Dog walking, errands, school pickup - whatever lightens the load
Your presence
Sometimes the best gift is just being there. Not fixing. Not advising. Just sitting alongside them in whatever they're going through.
Frequently asked questions
What do you give someone going through a hard time?
Practical support, comfort items, acknowledgment that you see them, and presence. A Certificate of Existence says "I see you're still here." Avoid toxic positivity or attempts to fix what can't be fixed.
What can I say to someone going through a difficult time?
"I'm here" is often better than solutions. "This is hard" validates their experience. "What do you need?" asks rather than assumes. Avoid platitudes that minimise their pain.
Acknowledge their existence
When someone's going through it, a Certificate of Existence says the most important thing: you're still here, and someone sees you.